Beyond the Presents to the Presence

Hot chocolate was warming and cookies were readied on holiday china as our brood of middle schoolers happily trimmed the tree laughing and singing favorite carols. But my older son was particularly quiet. In a cajoling fashion, I asked him why.

He hesitated at first, but raising his head he said, “Well, Mom, I’m thinking how much fun it is decorating, but I’m also thinking about how sad it will be when we take it all down.” He paused and I figured he would then mention the gifts and the scrumptious eats he would miss.

He continued. “I’m really going to miss the coziness of the season—my family, friends and especially all the special lights inside and outside the house.” I watched as he knelt and plugged in the tree. His eyes gleamed as they met the sparkles of ornament and tinsel. I understood. This year wasn’t all about the packages under wrap. Instead it was about the festive traditions that make the season special.

The brilliance of light is a wonderful thing. It encompasses the colors of the rainbow as opposed to the obscurity of darkness. Its beams bend and the strength

of hue is magnified. When these beams dance on the waterfront, they display a crayola reflection of nature’s beauty.

There is the speed of light that rests the sun’s warmth on our cheek and restores life to verdant fauna. This brightness is the Earth’s proud placement in the universe.

It was this gentle glow that soothed my son.

What is behind this light? Indeed during this time of year there is warm sentiment and communal participation that beacons. This response embraces many a heart, yielding to sharing and benevolence. This expression is experienced with many holy day traditions. Kindness is seen in the marketplace as well as around the festive dinner table. Luminous lighting surrounds, urging humanity to unite in celebration. For a brief moment, countless hands stretch, realizing the integrity and beauty of each other.

This celebration is not embraced by everyone. There are those whose lives are so filled with dissonance and discord that this festivity only magnifies open wounds. The jarring racket of folks with shopping carts at the discount center is like the whirling of thunderous helicopters at our doorstep. It can be overwhelming. So it is wise to steer clear and seek out other activities.

Sitting in my counseling office, I have witnessed these reactions. It is often expressed with despair that sinks into depression or anger that morphs into resentment, loneliness, or bitterness. The display of cheer can be like salt poured on a wound. With a hearing heart, I understand this angst and have come to respect these painful responses.

I am not exempt from this intensity of emotion. I have experienced it as well. This is when the unexpected happens and I find myself ankle-deep in a muddy puddle.

Two days after Christmas the telephone rang. It had brought news that rent my heart and boggled my mind—my Dad had died. Instantly my head fogged and a hollow ache filled every cell of my being. These grave tidings were intensified because we had become estranged and parted on angry terms. The remainder of that holiday season and several Christmas’ after stirred the lingering remnants of grief. It would yank at my heartstrings. The fluttering of sorrow remained so I would put on a festive face, trying hard not disappoint my children.

But time has gone on. Healing has come. Forgiveness weaved in, mending the frayed fabric and creating a fresh design. Drooped shoulders were righted. Gratitude now flows through my veins. The ache in my heart has departed now allowing me to experience a sense of joy and wholeness.

I joined my family in our comfy living room. The soft light of the Christmas balsam and the flicker from the fireplace danced upon expectant faces, especially on my son’s. Yielding to the warmth, I closed my eyes. I imagined a glow from long ago encompassing a brilliant star, a star of intrigue and wonder. This glorious light trailed to where young tendrils of faith grasp on to a tiny thumb. This light summoned to an unassuming place where the grandeur of the universe and humanity unites … a place where presence becomes the present.

Christmas has once again stolen my heart … but is now different. Why? Because somehow it has become even brighter.

And better.

… and that’s how I live it.