Hurrah … I’m Alive!

Filling my being are dream images … probably prompted by anesthesia … of wearing a mismatch of polka dots and stripes in brilliant Crayola box colors. I am enacting a children’s story full of huge bean stalks, racing horses and plucking eyelashes.

The action stops. Suddenly, all is in a freeze mode. Auntie Gumba, the miming clown, stands perfectly still with her eyes wide and laughing, her body ready to leap.

I am perched in my La-Z-Boy chair, hastily waving cobwebs away from my face. Today marks one week since the surgery on the hip. This was when the old hip replacement was upgraded to a brand new one. A revision, as it is called. The surgeon and his team did amazing work to take me apart and put me back together again. A huge complicated adventure.

Now to prompt healing.

My part is to keep it simple. But I keep contemplating a mountain of earth-shaking decisions like how to pick up tissues off the floor, make a cup of coffee, or put on my socks. Of recognizing what I cannot do, and finding a measure of satisfaction in what I can. For certain, needs matter more than wants, when to say yes and most often, when to say no. The wants can wait. Painting the kitchen cabinets can be pushed ahead. Silverware can soak a bit …the cocoa puffs can go bounce on the floor. And with my husband as acting coach, the sink of dishes is quickly cleared, every dancing cocoa puff is swept up. The endless chores are well done in his strong hands. With kind eyes and his hand on my shoulder, he voices encouraging words and nudges me forward.

Yes, I have had help and shown incredible kindness. But truth is, it is still incredibly hard.

My normal daily rev is to skip out of bed into the mode of launch! So many places to be, so many people to see, and so many gardens to plant, so many paintings to paint. Every second is chock full in the doing, hopefully catching a breath at day’s end.

Napping in the chair, my thoughts again return to the multicolored clown as she breaks away from her stillness. Dancing and twirling, jumping, and singing with glee, the clown delivers a message with sparkle and spice. Every eye is upon her, anticipating, hoping, waiting for the grand finale.

Yes, this once was me. Those were the days, where youthful countenance and zip portrayed a dramatic scene, creating smiles and gleeful laughter.

But this is the time to consider the flip side, to an easy, peaceful flow. Reflecting on the character I was then … morphing into who I will become. Because Auntie Gumba has neatly packed away her baggy pants and honking cane with a side-view mirror, and taken the next train.

I rock gently, grinning from ear to ear.

Soft visions make my eyes flutter as dreamy rays swirl and ebb. My heart is beating a sweet tune as fresh visions flood my brain. Time will move ahead to another dance sequence. One that will graciously stretch and shape into another me.

Because I am not done yet.

“and that’s how I live it.”

Special thanks to Dr. Irving and the Orthopedic Team at St. Vincent’s Medical Center in Bridgeport, CT. Their professional skill, proactive assistance combined with a genuine heart made the difference. My appreciation to you all.