Promises to Keep

Icy rain tapped on the windows and steam from boiling pots warmed the house. I was reminded of such a day years ago when our four children were young. They had stuffed down supper, finished their homework, and brushed their teeth. Then, they were tucked in as bedtime stories swirled in heads.

Those times have past, the children are grown and my husband and I are a bit older. With the snow pelting the window, we had decided to tuck ourselves in. The ordinary of the day was complete; time for some fun.

The dining table was elegantly set, two slender candelabras were lit as delightful jazz filled the room. The porterhouse was searing in the frypan, the shrimp scampi sizzled in the oven. Anticipation was keen as we put on an attitude of going out-to-eat. For it was the evening of Valentine’s Day.

My husband and I savored a lovely dinner, welcoming heartfelt reflections of life lived. We reminisced on memories from our earlier relationship to our wedding day to special moments celebrated on many anniversaries.

One in particular came to mind.

Some years ago, my husband and I decided to visit a small harbor town for our anniversary. As we took a morning stroll, I stopped suddenly. A fuss of activity was happening nearby. Limo doors hastily swung open and ladies dressed in pastel climbed out. They surrounded an elegant lady radiant in white silk and pearls. Electric with excitement, the ensemble hurried up marble steps of the old stone church, followed by the bride. She stepped into the ornate front door and turned. And looking at me standing on the church sidewalk, smiled.

I waved and shouted wedding congratulations. She returned the wave as the door closed behind her. For today this bejeweled bride would begin a new journey. Indeed my wedded life had also begun on this date, but long ago. So much of my life had passed since that vow. I wondered …if more could have said more to this radiant bride, what would I have shared?

My head filled with candid sepia-aged photos of over forty years of promises lived. So many momentous happenings, from our first meal to decorating a new home to scrubbing high chairs covered with applesauce. But what matters were the supportive beams bracing this martial adventure as well as the numerous nuts and bolts … like unfolding a detailed house plan.

So much plaster and paint build a marriage. I will consider three essential cross beams.

First, there is appreciation. At the wedding hearts burn hot, but what happens as a myriad of days and nights sweep those same hearts into mediocrity? Life "as usual" can weaken kindness and respect. Instead, my husband and I have made a habit of daily commending each other. For example, he compliments supper and washes the dishes. In turn, I notice his fresh haircut and new shirt. Simple things that keep sweetness flowing.

Next there is communication. This is more than nodding to one another as the television parades the news into the living room. Communication is the choice to really listen. Such discussion allows each person to express their viewpoint, responding in kind with understanding and encouragement. Dialogue likens to a wave as it rises, crests, and sweeps unto the sand. And then it begins again. Resolve may be found, but the essential is being fully heard.

Lastly there is the concept of forgiveness. Basically, this action encourages the letting go of personal offenses, allowing for reconciliation. Seeking forgiveness can be a difficult decision. It can be really hard work to realize a wrong and address it. It isn’t easy to say you’re sorry… really mean it and endeavor to change. But this step can make the difference in keeping a healthy marriage.

Yes, a great deal goes into a relationship.

I glanced over the table as my husband nodded, his eyes bright with reminisce. These are some of the things I might have told this bride… yet there is so much more. Rising, I went over to my husband and gave him a great hug.

… “and that’s how I live it.”